They Say Home Is Where the Heart Is

By Abi BlackImp

They say home is where the heart is. They say a lot of things, and we’re not even sure who ‘they’ are. We’re not quite sure who we are, either. But they say home is where the heart is. I guess I don’t have a home anymore, then. Because I think I lost my heart.

No one broke it, I never let it out enough to get broken. But that’s the problem. I kept it locked up, like a bird in a cage, and never let it soar. Love is the base to our world. Without love we have corruption, greed, selfishness, cruelty, pride, dishonesty, suspicion, hate, the list goes on and on. But with love people have joy. They have truth, goodness, selflessness, mercy, grace, modesty… The list goes on. Because love is only light in our dark little world.

I’ve met people who claim they carry light around, but they carry the dark. They insult, and kill, and they lie. I’ve also met someone who did not brag that he carried light. He did not claim it falsely, either. He told me that it was love, this light. This bright quality that he had. It was as though he possessed contentment, joy, happiness. It was overflowing. I regret now, not asking more questions. I regret quite a few things, but this is one of the biggest. Because when I saw him die to protect me, he was not angry that I was alive and he was not. He had not given up, either. He looked at peace with the world, as though he knew everything would go right. I wish I could feel that.

I have tried to find it in all I could; with men, in power, money. But all I found was that the more I had, the less happy I was. When I had everything, it felt like I had nothing. I felt like I need more to fill the space where my heart was. But nothing could fill it. Not gold, not power, I could not entertain myself out of this depression. I could not find it. I could not find this ‘love’ that the people in the villages speak of.

So that’s why I’m leaving. I’m not killing myself, no. Because I’m a bit too stubborn for that. I am leaving to find out how to get my heart back. I am going to travel the world. I am going to ask people what this ‘love’ is. I will give up everything as a last resort, because I am desperate. I know that this is the one thing that I want, even need. I need to find what this love is. So I say my goodbyes to you. I beg your forgiveness, too. Not for my leaving, I think you will celebrate that, but for some of the things I have done in my greed. I am no longer a Queen, an Empress. I am not the unforgiving woman who does not ask for anything. So please forgive me.

Farewell, I am going to look for my home.

About Abi BlackImp

Hello! I am Abi, a thirteen year old girl with a love of writing. If you see any of my stuff on fictionpress, yes that's me. I did not steal anything. I decided to post on here on a whim, so tell me what you think of it.

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