Who Am I?

By Faith

Eager, excited
for the new year
with my new book-bag and pencils
notebooks and shoes

But this time
it’s different, you see
this is not elementary school
or 6th grade
anymore

more and more teasing
around me
crueler and crueler

more and more pressure
all over
crushing me

more expectations
lurking in the dark shadows
and corners

more people waiting
to laugh when I fall

a tunnel of unknown
a maze of choices
an ocean of questions
but never any answers

everything changes so quickly
so fast
until I start to wonder
Who am i?

I want to fit in
I want to have friends
I want acceptance
I want more than I have

Anything, anything
to gain what I desire
If everyone approves it
I will surrender

Heavy black liner, shadow, and gloss
a hard, fake mask of makeup
smeared onto my face?
I will do it
I will

Tiny tiny skirts and low cut tops?
I will buy them
and I will wear them

Lie to my parents and yell at my brother?
Yes, alright.
I promise I will

Go up to boys
And let their eyes and hands
Wander?
I will let them
I will
I will

Because I don’t matter
It’s everyone else that does

Yet all this doesn’t help-
I am still
alone
All by myself

I gave everything up
and still it’s not enough
I thought I would be happy
But I was wrong

I am still wondering
Who am i?

A new day begins
I want to be free
to fly up, up high

Not to stay grounded
with everyone else

I wash my face
I change my clothes
I apologize to my family
And rediscover my dignity
No more following
and no more pandering

Who am i?
Well, I know now

The truth is
I am me.